july 28, 2011;

Packed the essentials. The move from New York to Los Angeles was, needless to say, exhausting. My body isn't sure what it is going to do after living over twenty years three hours ahead of the west coast.

I am staying with a friend from college for a few days before I move into my new Burbank home. He is an assistant to the CEO for a managerial company to directors and whomever else needs their life managed, I suppose. LA, right?

I am going to start a raw fast which will turn into a juice fast...

I need some clarity.

My body hurts.

with your arms outstretched to me!

If you come visit me we could lay in the ocean together. We could lay in my empty room while the sun floods into each crevice and washes our bodies with a warmth that is tinged with the cool air conditioning. I could be barefoot on the carpeted floor and tiptoe around your sleeping body. I would go into the kitchen with a soft smile on my face and pour us orange juice. I would make us toast with fig jam that was sent lovingly from Florida and creep back into my bedroom to see you have rolled over, now facing the window and its abundance of sunlight. I slowly lower what is in my tiny hands to the floor and get on my knees to crawl towards you. I could connect my body to yours, wrap my arms around you and hide my face in your back. I could be loved and you could be loved and we could be happy. Don’t you see what Los Angeles is? It is a dream and it is full of life and love and all the happiness we could ever hope for.

july twentieth

he told me he had a dream last night that we were going to drift apart. he woke up and was going to phone me but I was already phoning him to tell him that I am moving to California.